// Dear Tumblr,//

Today at lunch I stared down a sandwich and managed after a solid five minutes to take a bite. Then I binged crazy out of control the rest of the day. It’s just easier to settle into old habits, I feel the perfectionist taking over and the real me going to sleep. I’ve been fighting it for a long time, and one girl finally pushed me over the edge. No food, no failure, just thin.

// Rant rant rant//

My dad’s girlfriend is a total bitch. I could handle that if she could actually hold an argument, but she has an IQ of maybe 80 and is constantly degrading us with her limited and traditional views. She is the epitome of rude hypocrite. And she’s triggering as fuck. Starve so she’ll like you. Fast so you can stay prettier. Don’t binge or you’ll be fat like her. EVERY FUCKING TIME.

// Both cause a downward spiral//

let’s play a game called “do i want to make the mac and cheese and binge or do i want to continue my starving”

good people

it always starts so slowly

one comment opens your eyes

you see what everyone has been hiding

behind a web of lies

but you live with it

because there are still

good people out there

it always starts so slowly

but it starts to wear on you

and sometimes you feel sad

and start to lie too

and it’s getting harder
to find all those

good people out there

it always starts so slowly

then suddenly it’s too fast

and you stop eating

or you start cutting

then you sometimes question

if there are anymore

good people out there

it always starts so slowly

you’re just hanging on for dear life

and everyone else is sad too

and some of them leave

and you realize

you have to be one of the

good people out there

-E.M.

Is it possible to not eat anything but still feel like you ate too much?

Let’s count the number of days I haven’t eaten in the past week or so…Wednesday last week, Thursday last week, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday this week, today. I’m so fat I can’t even function and I never eat what is wrong with this picture?

// Eating Disorder story with Erin//

So today at lunch I was *this* close to going and buying some crackers and I debated out loud and someone said, “oh you should eat” and then I was like 

lol nope

even better everyone at the table was like “you need to eat” and I was like lies lies lies i’m lying you’re lying we are all lying and I’m not eating see ya bitches thanks for the trigger

i’m not saying it’s relaspse

// Family dinners suck//

I already binged don’t make me eat more I am a fat cow please don’t talk to me